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Thu, Apr. 8th, 2004, 02:20 pm

I have sent in my demands. It includes the obligatory two weeks.

Thu, Apr. 8th, 2004, 12:30 pm
A Day of a Reckoning?

Yeah, a day of a reckoning. I’ve had enough. I’ve been underpaid for some time now and I’ve decided it’s over. Today, I’ll deliver my ultimatum that involves either my pay increase to merry bushels of cash, or a hasty exodus. My work performance has been hampered where not destroyed by this place and I’ll take it no bloody longer.

Fuck anyone who opposes, or whatever. He just fucking called. You see, I fucked something up today. But, I attest, it’s because I don’t care at all about my job or the business that provides it. How can I give a shit about a full-tilt super manager position when I get paid like an underling? I can’t.


Wed, Apr. 7th, 2004, 10:49 am
We can do this.

So, I was doing what I normally do here at work during the day: struggle to stay awake. But, I noticed something a little odd that reaffirms all my thoughts that we can make a viable product and that we can make a dent in this FRPG industry.

What, you may ask, would lead me to believe this flight of fancy? Capcom, of course. The Capcom World Tournament, no less. I had seen it before, but that was before I started CoreE. Let's look at the Capcom World Tournament in link form. click it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111111111111111111oneoneoneoneone

I have only very rarely felt optimistic about things, especially as of late. So this is a good thing. We can do this.

Wed, Apr. 7th, 2004, 09:11 am

My mp3 collection has been fucked up for some time. Utterly destroyed would be more like it. I didn't realize that iTunes likes to hack apart your directory structure when archiving. Live and learn, eh? So, sometimes I get in the mood to hear certain songs and sometimes they're on an album by various artists. iTunes sortred by artist so it's a little work to get it fixed.

Back in the mid ninties, there was a video game music concert in Japan. The made a CD for it. I have it the mp3s from it. So, I wanted to hear their orchestral version of the Red Wings from Final Fantasy IV (II). After consolodating the album into a single directory, I began listening to the other music.

There is a brilliant version of the LEgend of Zelda theme from Link to the Past. It kinda made me want to create a Zelda RPG. Heh, that won't be happening any time soon. But it also made me think about the premise of CoreE and even modern roleplay.

That makes me feel sick. I should be out there fucking making it with the shit in my head. Maybe it isn't the best, but it sure as fuck isn't as bad as a good deal of the other shit that's out there. Why not me? Why is it so critical that I suffer here all the fuck alone? All the fuck alone . . .

So, I'm gonna' fuckin go to Norman this weekend, even if it kills me.

Tue, Apr. 6th, 2004, 07:03 pm

Today was really great.
I got out of bed really early because I had terrible stomach cramps.

I feel good because today I getting my lip pierced! Finally! Mom said I could and she's signed the forms and EVERYTHING!

I'm so angry. Paul is grounded. AGAIN! And I'm not allowed to see him. EVER. It's just NOT FAIR. I hate my mom and I wish she was dead. This wouldn't happen if I was allowed to live with dad.

Last night I had to masturbate twenty times. I'm so horny. Click here to see my website.

I want to tell the world that my girlfriend Amy is the bomb! She made pizza last night, and even though I burnt my lips on the cheese, it was awesome!!!

I am updating this journal for the first time in ages, because I've been in prison.

Today, I got a digital camera! Yes! Here's some photos of my cock.

I want to say thanks to simon and Abbey and Dave and the other Simon for helping me on Saturday. You guys are the best. By the way, if you happen to find my wallet, keys or underwear, could you SMS me? Adrian has my number.

I went to the doctor yesterday, and he said I have bipolar disorder, just like my dad.

You should all do this quiz! It's amazingly accurate. You just put in your name and birthday, and it will tell you who you're sexually compatible with.

Type something here.

That's enough for now. But I'll leave you with my favourite Buffy fan-fiction piece I wrote last year when I was in hospital.

Created with the Gregor's Semi-Automatic LiveJournal Updater™. Update your journal today!

Tue, Apr. 6th, 2004, 09:11 am
Better living through chemical depression or something else that's trite.

I realized something today. The fear has little or nothing to do with losing her. Only having lost her could I realize that. No, the fear has far more to do with being alone again . . . which I am. We weren’t together so long that I forgot what it feels like to be alone.

That’s what hurts, you see. Looking at the passenger seat and seeing it unattended is a painful thing. Not hearing the angry sigh when roll into her in the middle of the night. Sigh, indeed.

The issue is with her past and (likely) future husband. She went back to him. She’s makes herself easy to guilt into things and I’m sure she let him guilt her again. I hear promises of beauty and promises of things being better. I suppose she deserves her fate.

Jeremy once told me that he hated Trina because she hurt me. I saw this coming a mile away, so it begs the question: What does it mean when I hurt myself.

It’s sad, really, to think that we put ourselves on the chopping block so readily.

Kept down again.

Suicidal anecdote.

Sadness creeping all over like the dark edges of my soul are smothering me again.

Nothing a little bleach couldn’t fix.

Feeling much better now.

Even though I'm lying.

Mon, Feb. 16th, 2004, 10:01 am

Thu, Feb. 5th, 2004, 04:37 pm
. . .I'll smack you like a bitch.

This stuttering fuck will never shut up. He prattles on and on and hurts my face. I want to kill the bastard. He's so jealous. HE has a young woman on his fucking arm. She looks hardened by her premature aging, though she's still my age. He's no less than 50, I fucking swear. Now he talks trash about Melissa. I don't love her, but I certainly feel protective. Don't fuck with my people.


So you need to leave now fucktard. This is sorta odd. I felt like Cusorno not a few minutes ago. Seemingly I'm a pimp completely unbeknownst to me. There was this girl, Tishama, I think. She's rather attractive. I went to high school with her. She remebered and attempted a flirty dialog. I'm a flirter, so I played a little. She began to hit on me. I explained that I haver an Alexis at home. That was enough to break the dialog. I can't say that it doesn't make me feel good for it to of happened, though.

Oh God, I remerber her now. She was chunky and without social skill or grace. She was like Cindy in that respect. But now, a sexual beast. That makes me happy. I love to see people overcome their past lack of self e -- I swear to fucking God that I wanna kill that bitch. I am, of course, refering to the fellow from the first paragraph. He's still there, still bantering listlessly. Foolish man.

But then, a bit later in the day, this older woman was all about the Ryan. By older, I mean 40. She was flirty, as people tend to be, but when I was done with her vehicle inspection. She kept trying to drive on the dialog. She wanted to make something more of our talks. Such desire in her eyes. It makes me feel dirty to go with the angry for that fuck talking smack across from me.

Alright. That's what I had to say. A vent, I guess. So, ,um,

I do feel nearly ecstatic to have something to call mine and to be called hers by. But that's all the mushy bits you'll get from me about the girly, for now.

Sat, Jan. 17th, 2004, 06:55 pm
IF you keep talking like a bitch . . .

Melissa called me last night. She lamented her boredom, which I did in kind. Then, She said that we should watch some sort of DVD action. So we did. Good fun was had by all. But something ocured to me when she called.

This was probably the work of Steve, me father. He likely goaded her into calling. I can just see the dialog in my head.

M: Hi boss ;)
FT: Hey, employee. You know, you should give Ryan a call. He's probably bored too.

M: Huh?
MT: Yeah, you could call and say, "Hey Ryan, I'm bored, let's do something" (I fucking swear that he tries to dictate dialog to people).

M: k
FT: k


So, now I'm even more bitter today. But I wanna talk about the Cam*. I'd like to write a fucking dissertation on how much it confuses and bothers me that people want bullshit in there fun. I mean, do we really need a compliacted ruleset for fun?

For more evidence, clicky below:

Ruleset (rules:camarilla)
"Membership" Handbook

So there it is. The source material for what may well be the biggest bitch fest of our time.

*Camarilla - White Wolf Fan Club

Fri, Jan. 16th, 2004, 01:45 am
an email

So, I look for a damn job. . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . . nothing. nothing nothing.

Um, what else? I find myself atracted to a beast that I am ashamed to admit my attraction to. A girl who is seven months pregnant with some fuckholes kid. I know little will come of it all beacause I dont want a damn kid. She's atracxtive, in a "I kinda like her brain" sorta way. And don't anyone go off and tell me that I* shouldn't, because I know that.

I wanna go home. I wana find home. I'm fucking lost here and it's becoming a little more than I can take.

Am I dead? Sometimes, I wish I were.

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